Let Your Spending Mistakes Make You Richer

I dreaded going through last year’s expenses.

I didn’t want to add up late-night doom-scrolling impulse purchases, money spent on self-improvement trying to fill a sinkhole of inadequacy, and the contact lenses I couldn’t get my shit together to send in the $250 rebate for by December 31.

It’s embarrassing.

Did I really want to see how much I spent on mediocre take-out because I hadn’t planned and got too hungry to cook? Did I want to tally up the unread books and subscriptions, much less the dues for the swim team whose practice I never once attended? 

No, I did not.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my 60 laps around the sun, it’s that avoiding the truth just makes life worse. I may have to spend a little time and energy (o.k., a lot) accepting that I am human and do financially unwise things, but that’s better than denial. Denial does not change reality, it prevents you from taking charge.

Money spent is money gone, but the insight gained sticks around.

By seeing where I was spending for all the wrong reasons (e.g., money as  a comfort animal, a dopamine hit, an aspirational fantasy), I could learn where my pain lives. Misspent money is a clue to your unspoken desires, your unacknowledged fears, and/or the origins of your self-loathing.

Intentional spending, on the other hand, is a form of self-care.

But you and I can’t spend intentionally until we review our expenses to separate the ones necessary to survive from the discretionary ones. If you avoid the discomfort of seeing your flawed, complicated, beautiful human self, you deny yourself a chance at self-awareness, self-acceptance, and a concrete financial plan.

The truth will set you free.

It was a relief for me to get over the cringe, and it will be for you too. I could take action, knowing what expenses were weeds in my financial garden and which were worth keeping. It felt empowering, optimistic, and grounding.

The resulting clarity was bracing.

By contrast, avoidance dooms you and me to exile in financial purgatory, where we wander around in circles, never finding our way home to financial security.

It’s much easier to put out a match than a bonfire.

If you still would rather have a root canal than know how much you spent on shoes last year, here’s a pro tip: review your expenses monthly. 

It’s a lot easier to process in smaller doses – less info to download, less time needed to process, and less emotionally taxing. 

You’ll get in touch with whatever’s warping your spending faster. 

You’ll have more opportunities to take small corrective steps right away when they’re easy. It’s much less stressful, and much more effective.