How to Change 3 Common Sabotaging Beliefs About Money into Ones That Can Help You Achieve Financial Security
••• A QUICK NOTE •••
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“We have met the enemy and he is us.”
Walt Kelly’s famous Pogo cartoon from 1970 came to mind as I was teaching a class for the YWCA of O’ahu’s Enterprising Women of Color program. We were discussing money beliefs and how they can undermine our success.
Here are 3 commonly held and sabotaging beliefs that surfaced, plus my color commentary and tips for shifting them into a more productive mindset.
Belief:
Money is something that can’t be talked about.
Whenever there’s a taboo, the implication is that something bad will happen if you break it.
If you don’t obey you will be punished. Let’s take a closer look at the power dynamics embedded in this taboo.
1. Secrets hold power. If someone else knows something you don't, they have the upper hand. Or, if you know something you shouldn't or a big heavy secret, it has power over you because you are hampered or can’t speak the truth.
2. If money can't be talked about, it can't be welcomed into your life. You can’t have a normal relationship with it. The unspoken between people prevents deep connection, and the same is true with money.
3. Being given the silent treatment feels horrible. You’re not seen and not heard. It's abandonment and exile, a cruel form of punishment. If money is giving you the silent treatment, it doesn’t feel good.
Belief antidote:
What would believing that money should be talked about freely do for you? Does that change how you feel about it?
Belief:
I can't trust myself to make financial decisions.
No wonder you have trouble taking money actions.
If you don't trust yourself to make decisions on your behalf, you'll either not make them at all or hand over your sovereignty to someone else -- an "expert" who may or may not be more competent than you, just more confident (or self-delusional).
But only you are the expert on YOU.
What's the right decision for someone else is not necessarily the right decision for you. So what’s the issue?
You've acquired knowledge your whole life. Not to touch a hot stove. How to ride a bike. How to read, write and do arithmetic.
The more you learned, the more confident you felt, and the better your decisions. And when you didn't know something, you had a process for mastering what you needed to know, didn't you?
Money is the same way.
Let me offer you a teensy challenge – what’s the fear underpinning the belief that you can't trust yourself? Figure that out, and you’ll find potent medicine – that fear has nothing but good intentions for you. It's just not expressing it in the most helpful way. So what is it trying to protect you from?
Belief antidote:
If you trusted yourself to make financial decisions, what action would you take right this minute? Taking action can break the spell of an unhelpful belief and will lead to more action.
Belief:
I don’t have the capacity to receive large amounts of money.
If you don't think you're worthy of largesse, you will subconsciously work to prove yourself right.
We're wired to seek confirmation of our beliefs. This is a well-documented psychological phenomenon known as confirmation bias. We only “see” what “proves” our viewpoint right.
So let’s find out why you don’t have the capacity to receive big sums.
These questions will clue you into the possible reasons.
What does it mean about you that you can’t?
What would it mean about you if you could?
Is it the source of funds that affects your capacity to receive?
In other words, could you win $1 million from the lottery with no problem? What about inheriting $1 million? What about getting a million dollars from selling your business after building it for 10 years? Is your capacity to receive different for each?
Is it the dollar amount that matters?
Sometimes we have a cap on how rich we can be because we don’t want to be wealthier than our parents, make more than our spouse, or have a net worth that could make us the source of envy. Or a certain amount makes us “evil rich” instead of financially secure.
Belief antidote:
If there’s a gap between where you are now and the amount you “can’t receive,” imagine yourself closing that gap. What happens in your body as you get close to that point? Now imagine you’re crossing that point, little by little, until you’re at 2X that discomfort amount.
If, for example, you’re comfortable at $1,000,000, why can’t you be just as comfortable at $1,000,001? It’s only a dollar more. Keep breathing, stay relaxed, and bump the number by small increments. How high can you go and not trigger your nervous system?
Once we accept and feel curious about them, we can peel the layers of meaning that live within them. And when we see what’s at the root of our beliefs, it becomes much easier to see what’s not true and to let them go.
If you enjoyed my color commentary, hit reply and share some of your money beliefs. It might spark an interesting conversation!
The Three Bodhisattvas of Finance
Safety, and Clarity are needed to take Aligned Action when it comes to managing your money.
Jizo, Manjusri, and Daruma embody those qualities, and will inspire you to feel more grounded and confident in your decision-making.
Each week I show you how to cultivate each step.
If the asshole in your head just won’t stop criticizing you, here’s how to get some inner peace, from Claudia Dawson of Recomendo:
Buy your inner critic a retirement gift 🎁
I recently heard a story about a woman who asked her "inner critic" to retire. The "inner critic" being that self-critical voice that pipes up under the guise of protecting me from failure or pushing me to be better.
Inspired by this idea, I bought my "inner critic" a retirement gift — something tangible I can see or hold in my hands — so that when the doubting, perfectionist voice speaks up I can gently remind her she's been retired, and show her the small of token of appreciation I bought as proof. Shifting my focus from anxiety to gratitude.
For more thoughts and ideas on financial intimacy, subscribe to my weekly newsletter Cultivating Your Riches.
