As A “Third Culture” Kid Is What You Learned What You Need To Know To Tackle Life’s Challenges?

Folk tales teach you how to behave.

They’re how invisible rules of culture are passed on. But when you are a “third culture” kid (mixed identity with parents of one culture raised in a different culture), the rules you’re taught may not work for the culture in which you live.

Here’s what I mean:

In the French tale of Bluebeard, we have a rich man whose wives disappear. He gives his newest wife the keys to the castle and leaves to tend to business. He permits her to go anywhere she wants, except the dungeon, which is off-limits.

In the Japanese tale of the woodcutter, we have a poor man with no prospects. He discovers a mansion deep in the forest, occupied by a beautiful woman and her two daughters. She asks him to watch the house while she goes into town to the market. He can make himself at home but cannot go into her daughters’ room. 

What happens next is predictable.

Bluebeard’s wife disobeys and finds the dismembered corpses of his wives. She drops the dungeon key in blood but can’t clean the key because it’s enchanted, so Bluebeard finds out. Enraged, he tries to kill her. 

The woodcutter opens the door to the daughters’ room, and two birds fly out. When the woman returns and discovers this, she says nothing and leaves. The mansion vanishes. 

Same boundary violation, different reaction: anger, violence, and revenge versus silence, disappointment, and abandonment.

When the culture we grow up with is not the culture we live in, we need to learn “code-switching” behavior to be effective.

"Lantern Slide - 'Bluebeard', Woman Opening a Door to Discover Corpses, 1850-1900" is marked with CC PDM 1.0 Courtesy of Museums Victoria