Feeling Jerked Around? Seek Clarity

I am heartbroken. 

I lost a gig I was excited about, and maybe a dear friend in the process. We wanted to create something together but we each waited for the other to take the lead. We created an escalating cycle of ambivalence, made worse by unstated expectations. Our deliverables were unclear; our deadlines unspoken. 

We both felt fucked with by the other, and we were both right. 

Seek clarity when you feel fuckery. False alarm? Fixable? Why is clarity so hard to push for? 

Fear of creating conflict. When there's clarity, there's no place to hide opposing desires. 

Some cultures expect you to mind read. Asserting your needs or forcing others to express theirs is considered beyond rude. 

We learned to be silent in the face of confusion. Confrontation is too dangerous. We wait and see if we can figure it out on our own. 

We were raised to be lone wolves. We don't know how to communicate well with the pack. 

Our enthusiasm clouds our understanding and riches of potential become leprechaun gold. 

The reasons vary, but the outcome does not. Energy gets wasted roaming in the fog, trying to "get it". Time passes. Deadlines are blown. Projects fail. Stop it! 

Left unresolved, a feeling of "something is not right" will lead to ill will, if not outright disaster. Be brave. Do it.